In His Own Words
About him
So, I've finally realised, I do actually need someone ....to help me change a large duvet cover. But alas, creating a decent profile is an exercise in futility, because a woman's selection process invariably follows this path...
Is he TALL? (⬅ primeval traits right there)
Can he make me laugh? (yes ...at inappropriate times 😉)
Is he kind? (I'm always nice to Waiting Staff?)
Has he got a nice smile? (my Mum says it's nice)
Solvent with a decent job? (extra fries Ma'am?)
Has he looked after himself? (only to facilitate pie consumption)
Looks good in a well fitting suit? (⬅what Lingerie is to men)
Nice bum wearing jeans? (🤐)
Decent grammar? (Oi, Ms Snobby!)
Good quality (& clean) shoes? (doh, you Gals 🙄)
Smells nice? (you'll need to nuzzle into my neck to find out!)
Is he sane? (yes - occasionally I hear voices ...they tell me things)
Has he avoided a bathroom selfie? (no, I just haven't uploaded it)
Can he protect me from spiders, dragons & baddies (those dragons are a big ask)
Can he erect a level shelf? (never had an erection failure yet)
...but mainly - IS HE TALL? (🙄 I'm 5'11" barefoot)
ME? Just a normal guy clinging on to his own bit of broken-up orange crate in this great flood of life. Originally from Northumberland - the accent lingers (there is no "r" in bath). No tattoos or piercings (& you'll never catch me in Lycra)
Competent pillow fighter. Determined, entrepreneurial/savvy, loyal, caring ...oh, & fun.
I play guitar/piano to a standard which makes toddlers spontaneously weep, but it gives me an enormous sense of well-being (the toddlers weeping bit). I adore live music.
A tendency to over-use three dots ...it's a "Hell No!" to Camping (or Musicals) ...& I hereby pledge that I'll never call you "Hun" or "Babes"
(I don't own a cute puppy, so I've deployed my 94yr old Mum in my gallery to garner some female approval ...it's just a shame her ears aren't as long ...or as floppy)
About his ideal match
(Surely, you don't *all* do stand-up paddle boarding?!)
Ok, here goes...
Someone funny, easygoing, sharp ...warm with a good heart and whose world doesn't revolve around TV/Netflix or Social Media.
She'll not be looking for a "partner in crime"...and I'm definitely going to better aligned with someone who has not taken "Just Eat' as a call to action (there, you can't have your cake *and* eat it)
oh, and she won't have messed about with her eyebrows ...too much! (micro-blading, schhmicro-bladin')
Wow, you sound amazing! (they say you don't exist - but, pah ...what do they know?)
P.S. I'm *NOT* 55 ⬅ a technical inexactitude, done to mess with the search algos - sue me! (but also, when I put my actual age (59), I got whacked with interest from women with a similar aesthetic to Anne Widdecombe). The photo of me on the pier is most recent (July 2023)
What His Friends Say
ExitViaTheGiftShop hasn't asked any friends to write a recommendation yet.
About him
Country of origin: |
United Kingdom | |
Location: |
Barnet (Finchley), London, England | |
Gender: |
Male | |
Age: |
56 | |
Star sign: |
Leo | |
Height: |
5' 11" (180cm) | |
Body type: |
Athletic | |
Looks: |
Attractive | |
Hair colour: |
Other | |
Eye colour: |
Hazel | |
Relationship Status: |
Single | |
Looking for: |
Activity partners; Friends; Let's see what happens; A short-term relationship; A long-term relationship; Something casual | |
Have children: |
Yes, living with me sometimes | |
Want children: |
No | |
Daily diet: |
Eat most things | |
Smoking: |
Never | |
Drinking: |
Occasionally | |
Education: |
University | |
Occupation: |
Self-employed | |
Income: |
Comfortable | |
Ethnicity: |
White/Caucasian | |
Home language: |
English | |
Other languages: |
Portuguese | |
Religion: |
Agnostic |
About his ideal match
Country of origin: |
Anywhere in the World | ||
Location: |
Anywhere in the World | ||
Gender: |
Female | ||
Age range: |
40 - 56 | ||
Star sign: |
Any | ||
Height: |
5' 0" (152cm) - 5' 10" (179cm) | ||
Body type: |
Slim; Athletic | ||
Looks: |
Any | ||
Hair colour: |
Any | ||
Eye colour: |
Any | ||
Has a photo: |
Non-negotiable | ||
Relationship Status: |
Single; Separated; Divorced; Widowed | ||
Have children: |
Any | ||
Want children: |
No | ||
Daily diet: |
Eat most things; Eat healthily; Vegetarian; Vegan | ||
Smoking: |
Never; Occasionally | ||
Drinking: |
Never; Occasionally; Several times a week | ||
Education: |
Any | ||
Occupation: |
Any | ||
Income: |
Any | ||
Ethnicity: |
Any | ||
Home language: |
English | ||
Other languages: |
Any | ||
Religion: |
Any |
- Not important at all
- Slightly important
- Moderately important
- Decidedly important
- Non-negotiable
More about him
Sense of humour: |
Witty |
Intelligence: |
Intelligent |
Ruled by: |
The head |
Party behaviour: |
A gate-crasher |
Personality traits: |
Adventurous; Confident; Daring; Easygoing; Faithful; Funny; Realistic |
Valued qualities: |
Faithfulness; Honesty; Humour; Sexiness |
Fashion sense: |
Casual (I'm usually in my favourite jeans) |
Favourite clothing: |
My trusty pair of jeans |
Hair style: |
Short |
Eyesight: |
I wear glasses only when reading |
Facial hair: |
I'm clean-shaven |
Body hair: |
Average |
Body art: |
I don't have any |
Date activities: |
A picnic in a park; Dinner at a restaurant; Meeting for coffee; Meeting for drinks; Going for a walk |
Music preferences: |
Blues; Instrumental; Latin; Pop / Top 40; Rock; World |
Reading: |
I read newspapers regularly |
Books: |
(Auto)biographies; Business; Non-fiction |
TV habits: |
I rarely watch television |
TV programmes: |
Action / Adventure; Comedy / Sit-coms; Documentaries; News |
Movie frequency: |
Occasionally or irregularly |
Movie preferences: |
Action; Adult; Art Films; Horror; Mystery |
Interests: |
Business news; Computer programming; Cooking; Healthy living; Internet; Investing; Music; Photography; Politics; The arts |
Sports: |
Aerobics; Fishing; Rowing; Running; Walking; Weight training; Windsurfing |
Cooking: |
I quite like cooking |
Food: |
Asian Fusion; Chinese; Indian; Pub Grub; Seafood; Sushi; Thai; Vietnamese |
Go Out to Eat: |
I eat out a few times a month |
Dietary Restrictions: |
I have none |
Pace of Life: |
Manageable |
Time at work: |
I always put in overtime |
Pastimes of choice: |
Pursuing a hobby |
Time online: |
I'm on several hours a day |
Family size: |
I've got sisters |
Relationship Type: |
I'm just plain single |
Willing to Relocate: |
I'm flexible |
Animals: |
I like animals |
Pets (Like): |
Cat(s); Dog(s) |
Turn-ons: |
Assertiveness; Body piercing(s); Dancing; Erotica; Flirting; Intelligence; Long hair; Showing affection in public; Skinny dipping; Thrill seeking |
Turn-offs: |
Tattoo(s) |
Dream home: |
On a beach |
Religious attendance: |
Never |
Retirement plans: |
Seeing the world in style |
Feelings about using Farmer Wants a Wife: |
Hopeful; Optimistic; Excited |
Honesty: |
Extremely |